Thursday, April 9, 2009

pet peeves... everyone has them...

I can just name 25. Candidly. No writer's block for this one.

1. when i am listening to itunes and every song is wonderful on shuffle and then ONE stupid horrible song destroys the mood and flow.
2. people that take elevators one flight down.
3. hearing people chew their food in my ear, slurping, smacking gum. I am EXTREMELY sensitive to it and it is an invitation for me to drop kick you
4. uncalled for rudeness
5. get the FUCK out of the way when i walk out of the train (or when anyone does) LOGICALLY you must let people OUT before your stupid sweaty fat ass can flop your ass into a seat three sizes too small for you.
6. if i just say "williamsburg" does that make sense?
7. when people say "no offense" (because it OBVIOUSLY is the concern of the person saying it that they will offend yet still bother to give this cautionary warning...
8. people that walk slowly and get in the way and are oblivious of their surroundings so that you are stuck doting behind them when YOU actually have somewhere to be.
9. voicemails disgust me. I don't like listening to them, and i certainly don't like leaving them because i always do a TERRIBLE job (ummmmmmmm is my favorite word for voicemails)
10. lateness- a good one. I hate to wait. I always get everywhere too early. I am on freak of nature time. Trust me, I know this.
11. fucking robot phones. I dont want to fucking do this voice recognition thing- seriously. I want to talk to a fucking human. Ask anyone, I am frequently cursing out the phone robots. They ask you all this personal shit and then the asshole that finally picks up asks you the SAME fucking questions. let's get it together, technology.
12. Poor grammar, jesus christ... that weird thing that people do when they "abbreviate" words and spell things wrong and all "hookt on fonix" style. Thankfully it is seldom seen on facebook, but when I do see it i want to vomit on the person and then flush them down a garbage disposal. WHY THE HELL are you spelling "seksii" incorrectly and with more letters than are actually required? asshole.
13. standing in a long line? get your shit ready- DONT wait til you get to the teller/cashier etc to take out your wallet, tell your life story, fill out the deposit slip, pick your nose, or Holy shit.. Be on the phone and make the counter person (and therefore everyone behind you as well) wait like a jackass while you finish on your stupid phone call. ASSHOLE!
14. when a guy in a moving vehicle hits on me. WHAT THE FUCK WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO DO, CHASE THE CAR?!?!?! and also, almost always UGLY
15. telemarketers. I often send them into fits of rage or panic, sometimes tell them to fuck off, sometimes tell them wrong number, or just initiate casual conversation until they hang up. sometimes i say i am going through a tunnel, or pretend i cant hear them. combine #11 with this one- telemarketers that call your house, and then it goes straight to a message putting YOU on hold!! wtf!!
16. i like drinks with ice leo, i do. because then the ice melts and it's like, second drink! so therefore i too hate beverages sans ice. i hate warm drinks.
17. when people tell you what you are eating looks/smells/sounds gross. FUCK YOU, i like it, you spoiled the experience, and now i will feel weird eating it in front of you. DICKface.
18. my uncanny ability to read people and my excellent judge of character and even more acute ability to completely disregard first ability and trust these people anyway. burn.
19. i'd say excessive updates from people I have no interest in hearing about, but then again, my updates are worse than anyone else i know, and i'd be a huge hypocrite. also, when people spend all day looking at your page and have nothing nice to say! really!
20. close talkers with hot breath. just ew, it smells like you been chewin on shit! (doodoo chews)
21. lies, omissions, its all the same.
22. one uppers. it's so obnoxious! seriously.
23. unruly children in public places. SLAP that little motherfucker if he's out of line. Don't try to reason with little susie, don't beg your kid- RUN that shit like the boss, HELLO you made the little bastard- you brought them into this world...etc... i hate when kids answer back and yell at their parents.
24. people that act like assholes when you want to pet their dogs in the street. don't give me that looK! just cuz people like your dog more than they like you! go kick some rocks!!
25. excessive catty-ness. (including the one-upping style cattyness

anyone else?

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