Monday, June 30, 2008

The underground

Place of the week:

Upper west side's Underground.

Why is it the place of the week? Well because I spent nearly all week there.

I either began my evening (afternoon) drinking somewhere else and wound up there, or I simply got bored at home and made a night of it. Either way, I found myself having consistently fun times there, so it's my place of the week.

Check them out here.


Weekdays there are drink specials (and cheap drinks all the time)
A pool table with space around all four sides!! (rare in any smaller bar i've ever been to)
outdoor smoking area where you can enjoy your drinks
friendly service
different crowd every night (except for the occasional repeat offender...)
good music, whether it be the jukebox, live music, or DJ...

It's a good spot, end of story.

What I learned.

Do not take spoonfuls of cinnamon. It tastes terrible, and you will die.

I lost a bet and suffered the consequences. I actually opened MY mouth and initiated the bet, thinking he would never pull it off. He did, in a pretty Spartan manner. He kicked my ass, made faces, but no coughing, no whining, no tearing...He was nice and I even got a sudden death option where if I could do it myself, the consequence I was to receive for losing the bet would be excused...Alas, I could not do it. I am hoping to get the video posted soon, Jenny LeDee is the owner of that lovely piece of film. In the meantime, here are some hilarious clips of everybody else failing just like me. Except for the Marine, he beats ass at it.

Friday, June 27, 2008

pop! goes my heart

this sounds so perfectly ridiculous, I absolutely love it.

(you are gold and silver)

fried fish anyone?

natrulysuperior (12:31:18 PM): i guess i have smaller fish to fry

chulomaschulo95 (12:31:40 PM): daammmnnn..i could go for some frieeeeddddd fish

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

1998 Throwback.

Harvey Danger, anyone?

the video, and lyrics below.

Harvey Danger Flagpole Sitter

i had visions, i was in them
i was looking into the mirror
to see a little bit clearer
rottenness and evil in me
fingertips have memories
mine can't forget the curves of your body
and when i feel a bit naughty
i run it up the flagpole and see who salutes
(but no one ever does)
i'm not sick but i'm not well
and i'm so hot cause i'm in hell
been around the world and found
that only stupid people are breeding
the cretins cloning and feeding
and i don't even own a tv
put me in the hospital for nerves
and then they had to commit me
you told them all i was crazy
they cut off my legs now i'm an amputee, god damn you
i'm not sick but i'm not well
and i'm so hot cause i'm in hell
i'm not sick but i'm not well
and it's a sin to live so well
i wanna publish zines
and rage against machines
i wanna pierce my tongue
it doesn't hurt, it feels fine
the trivial sublime
i'd like to turn off time
and kill my mind
you kill my mind
paranoia paranoia
everybody's coming to get me
just say you never met me
i'm going underground with the moles
hear the voices in my head
i swear to god it sounds like they're snoring
but if you're bored then you're boring
the agony and the irony, they're killing me
i'm not sick but i'm not well
and i'm so hot cause i'm in hell
i'm not sick but i'm not well
and it's a sin to live so well

Friday, June 13, 2008

Mini Vacation.

I had a mini vacation. Sort of. I spent a few days invading Jennifer's house. Jennifer is my very good friend that lives in the Bronx. We did fun things, went to home depot to go shopping, went out to dinner, stayed in and had friends over, painted her bathroom, and I WAS going to tattoo my friend Brandon who agreed to apprentice me when I was ready to start learning tattooing . . . .But he got tied up tattooing ribs onto Paul's ribs. Yes, you heard correctly. What do I mean? I mean barbecued baby back ribs, he got them tattooed onto the right side of his ribs.

What a great idea. He sat for two days, several hours a piece each day. got his ribs scraped and poked at for the duration of those two days.. He took it like a champ on day 1, but day 2 (extra sore and tender after day 1) me and jen were stir crazy from being in the house for so much of the time the last few days that we found it hilarious that he thought chewing on a paper towel was going to somehow relieve pain? Ha... I think he was just bracing himself or when you have an open wound in the middle of the desert and the friendly cowboy pours tequila or whiskey on it to disinfect it and you bite down on a rag or belt so you don't bite your tongue off or scream. Like that. But with a papertowel.

Awesome job though, Brandon's talent never fails to impress. He is actually the man that is working on several more tattoos for me.

1 thing i learned about tattoos that I will never forget because of what Brandon told me: DO NOT GO IN THE SUN OR TO THE BEACH FOR AT LEAST 3 WEEKS FOLLOWING GETTING A TATTOO. Especially if he tattoos you. Ha. (i learned the hard way, let's just say that)

Another thing I learned is that oozing is disgusting. When you get a tattoo, for example, on the ribs...It sucks, it really hurts. I mean really. the tattoo I have on my side manages to touch my ribs, my underarm, and the side of my boob. Ouch. Then, when it comes to real sensitive places, it swells. And oozes. When I say oozes, I mean it looks like you are a sponge and you are being squeezed til the "stuff" comes out. quite gross. But, they are like battle scars, they are amazing to experience getting and having and all of the above.

Im so freaking exciting to finally feel like I know what I want to do, something I feel good about!!
Art has been my passion as long as I can remember, though maybe I lost hold of it for awhile. I know now that I have to hold on tight.

So i've been drawing alot. Most especially, things I can see myself tattooing on to people.


Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Asshole. according to

n 1: (obscene) insulting terms of address for people who are
stupid or irritating or ridiculous [syn: bastard, cocksucker,
dickhead, shit, mother fucker, motherfucker, prick,
son of a bitch, SOB]
2: excretory opening at the end of the alimentary canal [syn: anus,
arse, arsehole]

Sunday, June 8, 2008


kar·ma (kärm)
1. Hinduism & Buddhism The total effect of a person's actions and conduct during the successive phases of the person's existence, regarded as determining the person's destiny.
2. Fate; destiny.
3. Informal A distinctive aura, atmosphere, or feeling: There's bad karma around the house today.

Good Idea, Bad Idea

In spirit of making bitches nostalgic, I thought I would use Animaniacs' Good Idea, Bad Idea and make it into a little blog.

GOOD IDEA: Wear a fly mini dress and some crazy heels because you KNOW you look good in it.
BAD IDEA: Forget to wear panties, get wasted, fall down in the street, and show everyone your kibbles and bits (you will find that I use "kibbles and bits" for both males and females. it works better for males, but oh well, I use it for both.)

GOOD IDEA: Make prank phone calls and harass people until you turn blue in the face from laughing.
BAD IDEA: Forget to use call block features, get a threatening phone call in response, have the victims of the calls identify you, and get fined or a restraining order for being a dumb ass and not blocking your number.

GOOD IDEA: Going out with friends for a good time, and drinking all your favorite drinks.
BAD IDEA: Deciding your favorite drinks are Long Island Iced teas, Patron, Car Bombs, and Dirty Martinis.
WORSE IDEA: Thanking the "cute" bus boy that helped you mop up your vomit, blacking out around the time you were going to go home, and waking up next to a Mexican Hobbit who tells you last night was great and he wants to marry you.


These are just funny scenarios, I thankfully, have not experienced any of these things. Stories, anecdotes, call them what you will. They are random scenarios that I am sure I have friends that have gone through one or the other at one point or another.

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Paul Vinton, we miss you.

I met Paul (Vitty) Vinton about two years ago, through Paul (Wylee) when Wylee started performing with Lifted as a guest MC. The world lost Vitty last year, when he passed away abruptly. He was an absolutely wonderful stand up guy, an amazing musician (he played the guitar liked nobody's business), and an immense talent that the world never got to fully appreciate. Everyone who was close to him and loved him knows what they've lost, and the wounds still feel fresh. Today is his memorial out in PA, where his family lives, and I thought it would be a nice time to honor his memory a bit, in the way I can, by sharing with the world in the way I can, through my blog. I have the article that was written about him shortly after he passed away, So I'll post that as well.

Click here to read more about Vitty.

And here
and as he is one of the founding members of Lifted, check them out too, here is their official page as well: LIFTED

RIP Vitty, everyone misses you. Like Ben Geiss said, "I guess they like jazz in heaven"

Friday, June 6, 2008

I could never be your woman.

Sorry for the cheap video posts... But this is a classic. I know i'm bringing you back.
I use the term "classic" loosely.

Its etched in our top 40, billboard, one hit wonder minds forever.

plus, i could never be your woman.

Whitetown. By the way, let's observe that the man in the video (Jyoti Mishra) is a man singing to another man telling him he could never be his woman. I know it seems obvious now that I HANDED you the video, but I bet it's been overlooked many times.


this blog fails. it fails at entertainment.

*69 just won't do the trick anymore. . .

If prank phone calls are so immature and infantile, then why do I think this is so funny?? Yea, think twice. Prank phone calls are fun for ALL ages!!!!!!!

2:15 is definitely the clincher. You will absolutely enjoy the simplicity behind the most simple prank. Straight to the point and as asshole as can be.

The reporter after that prank gets really angry, its wonderful.

I want to see MORE!!!!!!!

Knocked Up.

The movie I cannot seem to tire of.

I've definitely watched it more times than I can count.

Reasons why: Because I said so.

But seriously.. let's start with Judd Apatow. He's awesome, hes a business man AND a family man. What a genius, putting his HILARIOUS wife and ADORABLE children in the movie he is making so they can spend time together.
Some of my favorite lines in the movie come from the children, and the interaction between the kids and the adults.

Exhibit A:
Early on in the movie Alison is driving her nieces to work. Charlotte, the younger sister, is giggling to herself...and then comes Sadie.
Sadie: (with all the conviction of an annoyed 90 year old woman) "'re starting to annoy me...." This little girl has the comedic timing and conviction of a truly great comedian... Must be in the DNA.
ah...for some reason this line makes me want to shit my pants. lololololollolol

In the scene..."the morning after" Alison's face is PRICELESS. The look of horror and disgust...sigh....For the record, Seth Rogen's oozes funny, and to me, that means he also oozes sexy. I <3 Seth Rogen. Yes, I greater than 3 Seth Rogen. Get it? I don't care if you don't.
When they walk out together clever little Ruddy McGee says "ah to be young" and Alison replies with "stop it" (quiet, uncomfortable awkward tone) and then Ruddy says... "No, YOU stop it"
Then there's this dialogue:

Pete: (to little Charlotte) "Don't ever do what they did"
Charlotte: "I'm gonna do it"
Pete: "You are? Uh oh...Some one's gettin home schooled"

Where did they come up with this?!?!?! And why is this little girl so funny?!?! can someone give her a fucking Oscar? Please? Seriously. Someone should euthanize that lohan chick and make room for little Iris Apatow. Please.

The scene at the club when they dance, I love that it doesnt seem so so scripted, they are hilarious together, their interactions are great. Does Ben use product? Yes he does, he said its called "Jew" HAHHAHHAHHAHAHA.

Now let's discuss the pile of funny that is the boys. Seth Rogen, Paul Rudd, Jason Segel, Jay Baruchel, Jonah Hill, Martin Starr and yes Charlyne Yi (Jody). None of them say something that isn't funny. Some choice dialogue and lines that stick out. . . .

Jonah: I'm going to murderball you!

Jonah: Hey Crocket, how's Tubbs doing?
Martin: Oh, another beard joke?
Jonah: How did it feel changing your name from Cat Stevens to Yusef Islam?
Martin: It was really awkward.
Jonah: See ya... Scorcese on coke.

Jay: Man, my balls are shaved, my pubes are trimmed, I'm ready to fuckin' rock this shit!
Jonah:What the fuck, man? If I go in there and see fuckin' pubes sprinkled on the toilet seat, I'm gonna fuckin' lose my mind! Last time I went to the bathroom, Jay, I took a shit and my shit looked like a fuckin' stuffed animal!

Pete:[high on 'shrooms] Did you know there's a guy whose sole job is to find chairs for these hotel rooms?
Ben:Please take the chairs away.
PeteLike this one! It's red with gold stripes and -
Pete: oh, this one is amazing!
Please take the chairs away. I don't like them. The big one is staring at me and that short one is being very droll.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

I'm one of those people.

Yes, I am that kind of person that might occasionally decide to write a blog about my dog. But she's really cute. It's just that recently I got her these breath treats (her breath is pretty bad) and shes already really ill tempered and possessive (like her owner) and for some reason these treats turn her in to the exorcist, and even I can't get near her. If you need your jeans tailored at the ankles or your laces untied or a bullet hole in your polo, talk to Gracie. These are some pictures of her a few months after she I adopted her from the ASPCA. Love at first sight, most definitely, shes ADORABLE (and evil)...again, more traits possessed by her owner.


Why I love Paul Rudd.

I really do not think an explanation is necessary, I mean seriously. Ok, but if you are not inclined to be attracted to the hairier and tripodial (fully made up word, look for it again) gender, then I WILL explain.
This guy is impossible to dislike. He is as charismatic and funny as he is gorgeous, and seems to be one of those creatures that is fully unaware of how fantastic he actually is.

Point in case: from Clueless (where his charisma burst through, not so much with the funny) to 40 year old Virgin to Knocked up, he stole scenes, with his clever little one liners and slick half smile. I am pretty sure he has fuckin lasers installed in his eyeballs 'cuz bitches can't deny that they feel their fucking faces melting when they get real nice and close with the cameras on his face (god help us if we make eye contact in person) . . .

And let me just say this. . . I actually sat through, IN ITS ENTIRETY "Over her dead Body" . . .Why? Why on earth would any human being subject themself to such a monstrosity? Paul Rudd.
Watching Eva Longoria on screen is like willingly letting someone put a funnel in my ear and pour baby spiders into my skull, hoping that they will eat my brains and kill me fast enough so that I will never have to watch Eva Longoria on screen again. (Although the bitch does have some fantastic shoes).

In summation, look below for some eye candy of Paul Rudd in all his yumminess, and beware, if you are not a man lover, he might make you one.

wipe that drool off, ladies.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

my burtonesity,

So, the magical artist some call Tru was over at my house one day, and we decided collectively it would be fun to tattoo my toes. and we did. (well, he did, i allowed)
I decided to pay homage to my favorite director, Mr Tim Burton, and the result was a Jack toe and a Sally toe that I could not have asked to be more perfect.

The sad truth is, their wonderful little faces faded right off my toes never to be seen again.

Yes, they were real tattoos. real tattoos with real pokey needles and real tattoo ink. So how did they go away? improper care, probably led them to fade much faster. However, I was told by my wise young friend Tru , that the skin on the palm of your hands and soles of your feet were simply not meant for tattoos, and it would have taken several sessions before we could really make them stick. So i am going to get him to do them again, and sit on my ass and not let my toes touch anything until the tattoo decides to stick.

the shoe-inator

i can be shallow!

read my shoe blog.

Cloverfield (movie review number 2)

this is definitely a blog previously posted on myspace. I think I am going to continue with the movie review theme, as I always have plenty to say.

This movie, comes equipt with random actors, the only real recognizable one is Lizzy Caplan (janis ian, Mean girls)

A) if you keep reading, I intend to ruin the ending of the movie... so stop if you don't want to hear it.
b) I have an splitting headache from struggling to watch that movie (literally, the camera was shaky, it was a bootleg copy, and the movie in general was sort of painful)
spoilers below,bitches.
A giant sea monster? are you fucking kidding me? I dont get it. Why? Why did anyone think we would be amused by that? Im sorry, didn't Godzilla come out like 40 years ago? wasn't this movie already made? The only thing I like about it is the real characters. no REAL heroes in it. Just real people, all stupid, nobody knew what to do, nobody magically had weapons or a cool car or a secret map to all the tunnels in the city to escape. So that kind of helped me enjoy the movie in the sense that when something apocalyptic happens in real life, I can already have the preconceived notion that there is no need to run or fight, because I wont make it anyway. So by enjoyed it, of course i mean, I wish I could get the one hour and ten minutes of my life back. But i cant. So JJ Abrams, I would like to sue you for time theft. Fucker.

No but seriously, aside from the monster (the main element of the movie) sucking huge godzilla balls, the camera was just making me sick after awhile. Didn't he get that memo after the Blair Witch Project? And i'm sorry, giant vermin attacking them in the subway? Is there any way at all he could have come up with something more original? The statue of liberty head? been there,done that...

Just another "preparation apocalypse" flick to unknowingly get us ready for the inevitable fuckery of life as we know it.

exhibit A:

Really? truly? I googled it. I dont remember seeing this, but who really knows. I've just got a big ol WTF STFU LMAO OMG for you guys.
it looks like a pussy with teeth. and the brains out. and the little test tube baby midgety arms.
exhibit B:

Put this thing out of its misery, it looks like an iguana and predator and godzilla and a parrot had a nasty orgy with giant monster loads everywhere and awkward goodbyes in the morning only to result in a custody battle on maury. and i bet the parrot was the only female.

exhibit c: gross.

Also, I have been reading abit more when I was hunting for some credible pictures... (the copy of the movie was terrible, i got no still frames, and I definitely did not get an amazing look at it.) I read in a few places that there is a prequel (trailer type thing) floating around on the net, and so I saw it, and its cooler than the real movie. Then I saw that there is a game about some viral infection in the city that somehow is related to the storyline in the movie.. SO maybe it will be a good sequel, but who knows? I mean come on, anyone that is naive enough to think that they wont be seeing a sequel a year or two from now is BUGGIn...


in my own top 8. i really do love myself.

Myspace, you are a frequent let down. I have such a love hate relationship with you. WHY would I be on my own top 8? Its so funny because Facebook once slapped me across the face for trying to pull that shit. first picture is myspace (classic welcome screen, thank you very much)
second picture is facebook owning myspace, and making me feel like an asshole. facebook also frequently tells me when i select "i dont even know this person" as a friends request detail, they tell me "then why are you even adding this person" as a slap in the face.

fuck you facebook. seriously.

away message.

My pokemon brings all the nerds to the yard. And they're like, "You wanna trade cards?" Damn right, I wanna trade cards. I'll trade this, but not my charizard.

unfortunately, i get this. charizard is a little dragon/lizard pokemon that breathes fire.

The Mist. spoilers included. (movie review)

Watch the trailer first.

The Mist. Marcia Gay Harden, Thomas Jane (relatively obscure, he was the Punisher, and he was in the very funny "Sweetest thing" with Cameron Diaz and Christina Applegate) Andre Braugher, and even the sherminator (American Pie's Chris Owen).

So when I saw the commercials, immediately I thought to myself...Oh great, bad weather and giant bugs, they filmed New York City in the spring for 2 hours and called it "the mist".

But seriously, this movie is way fucked up. Like, I thought it was gonna be shit fest 2007 from beginning to end, and I guess it still kind of was, but in all honesty, I guess I overlooked that it was a Stephen King novel and shat upon Frank Darabont because the commercials made it look absolutely crappy.

Here is where the spoilers come in, so read with caution. (or, don't, rather)

The movie is in fact, about giant bugs. Spiders, locusts, whatever. They were just big and gross and scary. I could complain about the CGI but in all fairness, all these fucking movies use that now so they were pretty much like any other completely fabricated creatures in any other high budget hollywood movie. The monster kind of reminded me of the cloverfield monstrosity. Tentacles, hanging pieces of monster everywhere. Quite gross. The giant tentacle thing with the acid suction, that was kinda bad ass. Sorry, Sherminator. One point tentacle, zero you. You died quick, and painfully. I think you kind of deserve it for that haircut.

Then comes the completely bad ass Jesus lady in the movie, who in my opinion is the most bad ass out of everyone in the movie. Marcia Gay Harden plays this completely hardcore committed Jesus freak, pointing fingers, calling people Judas, telling people they are gonna rot in hell and shit...Its so amazing... She turns half the store (they are stuck in a supermarket) against the other half, the other half being the half that has retained some sanity.

It turns out these bugs are from some sort of other dimension, and the three random military men (who are magically unarmed) are stuck in the supermarket, and reveal this towards the end when two of them hang themselves and third one is thrown to the wolves (jesus wolves, salem witch trial all over again) and Marcia gay harden completely choke holds him and makes him tell them about some government project where they try to access a portal to other dimensions (a window, is the word he uses) and shes like, "well fuck you, you opened a door, now take this jesus slap". So then they start slapping him around and some big truck driving honkey stabs him like 5 times in gut, and they force him to ride the jesus crowd wave out the broken window into the mist, and he gets eaten up and leaves a messy bloody handprint on the glass when they wont let him in. I'd just like to say that I knew he was going to die, because he got play just 3 or 4 scenes before this scene, where Darabont tries to force some substory into it about military guy and some checkout girl (who gets her neck chewed up by a giant locust) and how they have some mutual crush on each other and they make out for half a second and then its over. its beyond pointless. checkout girl's face blows up all swollen like a frog neck, its really gross. but see in every scary movie its completely necessary to murder anyone who tries to do anything sexual in anyway. so bam, they both died.

Did I mention someone catches fire playing with a gas soaked mop? Well he does. and he lives and they completely show his charred brains and how his clothes melted to his torso. Gross. Did I also fail to mention the spiders that burrow into bodies like cocoons and then burst out of faces and shoot acid webs? Well that happened too. I guess part of the problem is that we want to know more about this other dimension. Did i mention out of all the pussies in the supermarket that didn't want to leave, an old lady not only volunteers to go out into the mist for supplies with the men, but when jesus lady tries to stop her, grandma chucks a can of peas at her fucking skull!?!??! well she does. Its so ridiculously bad ass.

There's also a touch of chick fighting, some random blonde chick that for some reason falls in love with the punisher and his son and figures that his wife died so she can turn into mom and wife when all the chaos dies down.. SO random blonde chick gets mad at J-la (jesus lady) and slaps her across the face. J-la says, bitch, if you ever hit me again, you'll regret it!! (someone hold my baby, hold my baby!!)

So J-la convinces the crazies to sacrifice this poor military guy, and then she finds the normies (the normal ones) trying to escape and bugs the fuck out on them, and tries to get them to "take the boy!! take the boy and get that whore too!!" and then the little feeble supermarket employee shoots that bitch in the stomach and then in the fucking forehead and the bitch just drops!! supermarket dweeb, 1 point. j-la, ZERO!!.

So the normies, which included 7 but after some more spider feeding out side of the supermarket, becomes 5, which include punisher, the blonde whore, main dude's son, bad ass old lady, and neutral old man who kind of looks like Abe Vigoda. So they agree to just drive in his car (which has like 60 headlights on it) through the mist and see if they can get past it to safety. so punisher drives past his house where his wife is wrapped up in the acid spiderwebs dead as fuck and he gets emotional for 5 minutes and then keeps it moving. blondie doesnt say anything, but you can tell shes pissed off cuz thats already her man, she claimed his ass.
so they show them driving real slow like through the mist until the gas tank gets on empty and the car slows down and finally stops. they watch a giant spider monster stomp and make the ground shake, and then look at each other and realize they are fucked because the mist is still surrounding them and they are all going to die a horrible spidery misty death. So punisher whips out the gun, which only has 4 bullets left...but uh oh!! dilemma!! there is 5 of them. so he is looking around and he looks at his son and his son is just coming to (from sleeping in blondie's lap) and they cut to the outside of the car where all you see is 4 flashes.

they cut back to the inside of the car, and the fucking punisher is crying like a little baby and they don't show the kid but all four of them are dead as fuck. so he's all "woe is me" and gets out of the car to beg the spiders to come eat him alive and murder him so the sadness can go away (boo fucking hoo, theres no sympathy for any of these underdeveloped characters) and when nothing comes he starts screaming and crying (it sounds like hes getting A giant prison penis pushed into his butt) and then you know what happens? a minute later, the mist starts to clear. and not only that, but military trucks start driving by with survivors. so he shot them two minutes too soon. aint that some shit. so then he's like "ohh fuck my life!!!" and stares in disbelief. and this is the real clincher. get ready, because it's so good you might shit yourself. In the beginning of the movie, when they first get locked up, this lady in the supermarket is pissed because she wants to leave to go back to her two kids and nobody will help her to her car, so she's like, "i hope you all rot in hell" and punisher even says to her, "i got my own kid to worry about" ...Well sweet sally's ass, that bitch is in the back of one of the military trucks with her two kids SAFE!!!! if that's not the most fucked thing you have ever seen in a movie, how about you rewind and think about the other 7 scenes i fucking mentioned!! this is THE MOST warped fucked movie i have ever seen and i really have to truly commend stephen king for being such a sick fuck!!!!!!

anyway, if me ruining the ending for you makes you not want to watch it, you are obviously a perfectly sane person. but its so fucking totally worth it to watch jesus lady point and call a guy judas and whore and slap bitches around, and watch grandma throw a fucking CAN OF PEAS at her FUCKING SKULL and watch sherminator get his world destroyed by a giant acid is ABSOLUTELY so fucking worth it!!

im afraid I must give this movie an A+++